I’ve been having a tough time scrolling through Instagram and Facebook recently. Usually, I can leave these platforms feeling inspired, but lately, that hasn’t been the case. It just has felt like one person after the other are declaring what they are doing with their lives. Some were becoming teachers, some RN’s, some moving to new cities, some getting married, some traveling to places I’ve only dreamed of going. And the thing is, I don’t show any resentment or anger to all these people. I’m so happy that they are doing these awesome things! They’re just documenting these moments in life, just like what I’m doing right now, documenting these thoughts. I’m just having a hard time because of the thoughts that I direct towards myself after seeing everyone’s highlights. It’s just gotten to the point where it’s reminding me of how badly I already feel about myself. All of these people are doing something, yet I’m just here. Stuck. Afraid. Feeling like a failure because I don’t have my life figured out completely yet. I just sit in silence, scrolling, contemplating my life and how I ended up here. How did my past decisions lead me to this point in life?
I want to make it clear that I’m not hating or jealous of anyone. I guess I’m just jealous of the certainty that they have. They have clear, natural next steps they can take, while I have no idea where my next step is. Right now, I can see my life going in 100 different directions. I keep thinking if I choose this one direction, than I’ll be stuck going in that direction forever. But I like variety! I’m just so lost and confused about what to do, but I know I have to, and need to, do something.
As much as I want to just skip to the part where I have everything together, I know I need to sink into this moment. This is the moment where I can decide who I want to become and what I want to accomplish in life. I can either sit here and feel glum because my path isn’t the same as everyone else’s, or I can be so grateful that my life isn’t like everyone else’s. Yes, their path is different from mine, but everyone has a different timeline of how things are going to go in life.
I love watching people do things in life that they are truly passionate about. I have so much respect and love for those people! I just shouldn’t compare myself to other people’s successes and big life moments. I’m on my own route, and I need to remind myself of that before I go scrolling on Facebook and feeling my self-worth decreasing. I am worth the space I take and just because nothing grand has happened to me in life yet, doesn’t mean that it never will. I choose to have hope for the future.
I’m sorry if post was just all over the place, this is just where my mind is at right now. If this post doesn’t show how in my head I am about everything, I don’t know what does! Has anyone felt this way or am I just insane?
Thanks for stopping by to read this post, I hope you guys are having a great day wherever you are <3