So, I don’t know if you noticed or not, but I took an impromptu break from the blog last week. I had fully intended on writing and posting, yet somehow I just couldn’t bring myself to come to my computer and write. Last week was a weird week, not in anything that happened, but just mentally I was out of it. I felt drained. I felt like I couldn’t give anything really. I would get a good nights sleep, yet throughout the day I would feel exhausted for no apparent reason. It was all I could do to do just the bare minimum.
Even though I workout and feel physically great, I’ve just been feeling mentally exhausted in the last week or so. To be honest, I wasn’t even sure if I was going to post today or not. Although that feeling of not wanting to post was increasing, I’ve come to my computer to just write and try to hash out all these feelings, and maybe if someone else out there is feeling the same way, to let them know they aren’t alone. And gosh have I been feeling alone recently. It’s been a hard year on so many of us, and while I don’t think I’ve suffered nearly as much as others out there, its been a hard time for me.
I’m such an analyzer and try to see things from every angle, that I think way too much for my own good. I try to keep it together and put on a happy face, which isn’t hard when I’m around people because I love being around people, it’s just that being around myself is dangerous sometimes. My head can be such a rollercoaster of emotions, high one moment, and really down the next. I think I should go out and take a risk and do something because I feel empowered to do it, then my other thoughts take over and I just hold myself back. I’ve talked myself out of so many things it seems at this point in my life. Usually I’m good about pushing myself and trying knew things and challenging myself, but when it really gets out of my comfort zone and greatly impacts my day to day, I recoil. I hold myself back. I let the fear, discomfort, and the thought of looking stupid draw me back into my shell because I allow myself to think about it way too much and talk myself out of it. I really wish that I could take a break and get out of my head…anyone else?
Maybe it’s just all the thinking and holding myself back constantly that has made me exhausted, I don’t really know. But what I do know is that I have to stop that. And if you out there are struggling with that too, we need to stop that. There are so many experiences and opportunities on the other side of fear, we just have to take that first leap. Embrace the discomfort. Who knows, it may lead you to incredible places. There’s no growth in doing the same thing all the time.
I’ve realized also in the last couple of years, that ever since my senior year of college where I didn’t know where the heck I was going, that deciding not to decide was a decision. Not making a decision on where you’re going when there is a fork in the road leads you to just stay there, stuck. There’s no progression, there’s no degression, you are stuck. And I’ve felt stuck for a while now. Stuck on where to go, whether that decision is going to drastically change the course of my life as I know it. I’ve written in my journal so many times about how I need to just make moves in my life, and wherever it takes me is where I’m meant to be. And I’ve got to stop staying it and actually start doing it.
Thanks for stopping by today for this random confessional. It’s made me feel a lot better getting all of these thoughts and emotions I’ve been having out there, instead of trapped in my brain all the time. I hope that maybe it’s helped whoever is out there as well. Just know you aren’t alone. Happy Monday everyone, let’s make this week a great one!!!