You know how there are those different personality types and astrology signs out there? I’ve always found them interesting because it can give you insight into the way that you function as a person. It helps with self reflection, as well as how to work with other people and their personality types. I’m a Virgo, and while there may be some things that I can agree with that sound like me, I never felt like it represented me as a person completely.
It wasn’t until I was scrolling on Instagram one day last year and saw someone posting about her Enneagram type that it got me interested in the Enneagram. What was mine? I took a free quiz online and found out I was a type one. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I found a personality test that perfectly resonated with me that day. I went back on Instagram and discovered @enneagramsandcoffee. She posts all about the nine enneagram types and how each responds to certain situations. I remember going through her Instagram feed and finding out literally every single point about a type one described me perfectly. PERFECTLY.
It was like everything I did and every decision I have made and why I did them these past 22 years was summed up right there. Although I threw around the term “perfectionist” to describe myself, I never realized how far I took that perfectionism until that day. Regarding work and school, I HATED making mistakes and wanted to do everything right the first time. This, I knew. You read all the time about how mistakes make you grow, and they really do. Although I feel like I’m slowly growing out of that mentality and saying to myself that it is ok to screw up and make mistakes, it’s still really hard for me to allow myself to do that. This perfectionism not only applies to me not wanting to make mistakes, it is also associated with how I treat myself and how I act in moral dilemmas. There is black and white, good or bad, no in-between. I feel bad about doing the most minor things that no one else would have a problem doing. I still feel horrible about the times that I’ve accidentally cut someone off in traffic! I feel bad when I don’t hold the door for someone and let them go ahead of me. To a type one, there is good and bad, no gray in-between.
I also have thought that maybe if I’ve achieved this certain weight or if my body looks this way, then maybe guys will notice me. If my skin is perfect and I have flawless makeup on, maybe then I can call myself pretty or beautiful. I am my own worst critic, and that is one characteristic of a type one. There’s an inner voice that tells me I’m not good enough or what I have done is not good enough. I had a hard time applying for jobs in the past because I felt like I wasn’t good enough for them. I constantly criticize myself and how I can do things in a better way. I focus on more of what I am not and what I haven’t done, as opposed to who I am and all the things I have done. Perfection is an unattainable goal and although I think it’s great to care for yourself and better yourself, you have to do it with the right intentions. You have to ask yourself why. Why do I want this? Why do I work out? Is it because you want to strengthen your body because you love it or is it because you want the attention of someone? This is definitely something I struggle with, just letting go of the constant perfection.
There are so many other qualities of type ones that I resonate with. I am all about fairness and equality, I’m detail-oriented, and I love to plan and have a good list. My worst fear as a type one is being a selfish and bad, corrupt person. I don’t understand how people can blatantly break the rules that are set before them, they are there for a reason people! Those are just some traits, and I’d have to agree that 95% of those traits relate to me as a person.
I’m really thankful I discovered my Enneagram type because it helps me realize that some of the things that I say to myself isn’t ok. I have to shut that inner critic in my head that focuses on the most minor of details that I could be doing better. I highly recommend looking into what your Enneagram type is because it really has helped me understand who I am as a person and why I do the things I do. It makes me understand how there are different thought processes out there and how we respond differently in situations. It really is eye opening! Thanks for stopping by today, hope everyone is safe and practicing some social distancing throughout this crazy time!!